Bay Area Sports Blog

Welcome, to the 2010, family day, at the, CANDLESTICK, PARK! BOOP BOOOOO!

Shortly after Santa Clara voters approved Measure J, the San Francisco 49ers’ plan to build a $937 million stadium in the South Bay, the 49ers launched a Web site that provides artist’s renderings of the interior and exterior of the proposed facility.

What struck us about the illustrations, besides the ghost-like qualities of some of the Photoshopped fans, was the amount of wine being served. Has Fred Franzia already been offered the naming rights?

But seriously, you need a designated driver to take the virtual tour of the luxury suites and living green roof. Wine. Wine. Wine. Wine. Talk about perpetuating the stereotype.

Fear not, there’s beer for the common folk, too, though we can’t quite make out what’s on tap.

Former 49ers and Raiders tough guy Bill Romanowski is not exactly striking fear into the populace any more. Last year, he blogged about how he once listened to Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer” before every game. Then he appeared on Comcast after Raiders games with a mildly lame “Romo Report Card” segment. Now, it turns out he’s been voluntarily writing advice columns for an online content clearinghouse for almost no money.

Romo’s “sex advice column” on Associated Content has been making the rounds today. Like the Romo Report Card, Romo’s column is tame and entirely inoffensive. It’s more of a health column, probably meant to boost sales of his health supplements, and who doesn’t need health advice from a guy who injected himself with 8,000 different drugs over his career?

Clearly Romo needs a report card for himself. Sure, we’ll oblige.

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Listen, we have massive respect for anybody who can sculpt anything. Most of us probably stopped after making those “bowls” that were more like “misshapen plates with high edges” in fourth grade. That said, what is going on with the sculpting of the 49ers’ Hall of Fame busts?

Jerry Rice sat down for his bust yesterday, and the result was what you see above, as photographed by the Chronicle. It looks almost nothing like him. SFGate commenters had these suggestions:

• That’s a bust of David Carradine or of David Bowie.
• [Ronnie] Lott on weight watchers.
• …looks like he’s been drinking a vicodin smoothie.

But this isn’t the first busted bust in 49ers history.

Joe Montana looks like an evil nymph:

Lott looks like angry Howie Long:

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The Chicago Blackhawks really, really love hotels. After spending a lot of time in those establishments over the last few weeks and consequently winning some key games, they’re attempting to replicate the experience before Game 3 of the Western Conference finals on Friday.

After their morning skate tomorrow, they’ll check in to a hotel to nap before taking a bus to the United Center to play the San Jose Sharks. From the Chicago Tribune:

“Some of the guys probably get away from their home lives and just shut the door and get away from the kids,” winger Adam Burish said. “Some guys get excited, they get to play their video games again. If it makes us play like we’re on the road, perfect, I’m all for it.”

They think it will cut down on distractions, but what about the minibar? What about the hair dryer? You know Patrick Kane needs to fluff that mullet.

Meanwhile, the Sharks are hoping some encouraging words from a former Chicago great, Mike Singletary, will propel them past the napping Blackhawks. Singletary said he and Todd McLellan have been in contact and that he’s on board with the Sharks and this whole “hockey” business.

My son, my youngest son loves hockey. I don’t fully understand the game, but he loves hockey.

Wow, Singletary knows how to bring the hellfire. GET PUMPED! GO SHARKS!

49ers cornerback Nate Clements hit the books today:

Yes, knowledge is power. Knowledge of who tooted.

Jerry Rice is making golfing headlines again, and again it’s for poor play. Thursday, he shot a 20-over-par 92 at the Nationwide Tour’s BMW Charity Pro-Am, the worst score ever at the South Carolina tournament. That was even worse than Rice’s 83-76 finish at the Fresh Express Classic in Hayward in April.

After his round Thursday, Rice didn’t stop to talk to reporters and told them “I don’t want to talk about golf right now. Had enough.” His performance drew the ire of bloggers in newsrooms and clubhouses.

Look, we get it. Rice has the competitive zeal of an ultramarathoner on amphetamines, even in retirement. He tried dancing and now he’s trying golf, and he can flounder around in the minor leagues of golf forever for all we care.

But if he is indeed done with golf, for which the golfing gods will surely be appreciative, here are some other activities for him to torch with his competitive flamethrower:

• Champions Series Tennis. The former tennis greats on the tour include John McEnroe, Jim Courier and Bjorn Borg. So, never mind, we cannot be serious about this.
• The Senior Games. Just think of all the events he could dominate! But maybe not: Good luck trying to get into the Hall of Fame with the likes of Frank Willard Furniss, the retired teacher from Marion, Ohio, who won 282 medals, 173 of them gold.
• World Championships of Deck Shuffleboard. Held in Florida, of course, the 2009 title was taken home by Jim Bailey, who just happens to be the president of the USA National Shuffleboard Association. So that’s a total juggernaut.
• World Seniors Invitational Bowling. Held in Florida, of course, the inaugural event earlier this month was dominated by non-Americans. The woman’s winner was from the Virgin Islands and the men’s winner from the Bahamas. Where are the American developmental leagues???

So, never mind Jerry. It’s a tough world out there. Too bad there’s not a senior football league. We smell an opportunity.

So yes, two days later, Dallas Braden’s perfect game still stands. Bud Selig hasn’t put an asterisk next to it because of low attendance, nor has he declared the game a draw because both teams played hard. Alex Rodriguez wasn’t able to buy an erasing of the history books.

Braden was on NPR on Monday and tonight he’ll give the Top 10 list on Letterman. That’s when it will become real, probably. Letterman!

There has been much, much analysis of Braden’s perfect game, but most of it focuses on one solitary facet: How? As in, how the hell did that happen? As in, how did a guy with 17 previous career wins go out and toss the holy sacred perfecto? We loved this portrait from SI’s Joe Posnanski: “No, he was never highly regarded. He was not regarded at all.”

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The finale of the Amazing Race aired tonight and the three teams still in the running ended their 40,000-mile journeys at Candlestick Park. While the competitors didn’t have to try to maneuver past Patrick Willis or decipher a hidden clue in a motivational speech from Mike Singletary as part of their final challenge, Niners fans will be happy to know that, oh my gravy, the Cowboys lost. Brothers Dan and Jordan (pictured) sweet-talked their way into First Class on the flight from China to San Francisco and never relinquished the lead.

Occasionally we’ll post rebuses: word puzzles based on images. Put the images together and you’ve got a name.

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