Bay Area Sports Blog

Yeah, it’s April 1, which has turned from “Let’s play a prank on a coworker” day to “People messing around on the internet” day to “Don’t believe a single thing you read anywhere online” day. And of course our local bloggers have gotten in on the action. But the problem is, like any good joke, these ones needle you a little too close to the heart. You laugh, but you also cry a little. Happy April depressing state of our local franchise’s!

The roundup, from “least believable” to “most believable.” (But despite that, a round of applause to everybody for their efforts, really. Let’s get these people freelancing for the Onion soon.)

The joke: Warriors unveil “Golden State D-League” alternate jerseys.
The source: Golden State of Mind.
We cry because: We wanted to see Brandan Wright and Anthony Randolph play this season because they might actually represent some sort of future for the Warriors. Instead we saw Coby Karl and Cartier Martin. Sure, Reggie Williams worked out and will be a nice contributor in the future. But for every Reggie Williams there are five others who won’t work out and we still get all depressed about the elite-level talent sitting out injured.

The joke: Pac-1o expands to Pac-16.
The source: The Bootleg.
We cry because: Expansion is probably coming soon, and who likes change? We’re quite happy with the Big Game being the final game of the season unless Stanford plays Notre Dame or Cal plays Washington five weeks after. But we do like The Bootleg’s fantastical Pac-16 with St. Mary’s, Santa Clara, SJSU and Pacific joining Cal and Stanford in the “Bay Division.” Hey, the NCAA is trying to cut down on travel expenses right? Make it happen.

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San Jose State found its man and his name is Mike MacIntyre. The longtime NFL and college assistant, who served on Bill Parcells’ staff with the Cowboys and spent the last two seasons as the defensive coordinator at Duke, will be announced Thursday as Dick Tomey’s successor.

Stanford offensive coordinator David Shaw was a finalist for the position, but was probably eliminated from consideration when the search committee realized that Toby Gerhart would not be coming with him. The Spartans’ running game was one of the most inept in the nation last season.

ESPN’s Bruce Feldman, for one, is a big fan of the hire. He says MacIntyre was responsible for finding some guy named Patrick Willis while at Ole Miss.

With Johnny Dawkins taking over for Trent Johnson at Stanford and MacIntyre heading to San Jose, Cal should be holding a press conference to announce that a Blue Devils assistant is replacing Neil McGuire as the Bears’ new women’s soccer coach any day now.

The Bay Area has three Division I football schools whose nicknames happen to form an apt acronym. Here’s how they did in Week 14.

BEARS: Washington 42, Cal 10

If for any reason you want to relive the Bears’ beatdown in Seattle, do it here. California Golden Blogs put it best: The Bears hibernated a week early, elevating Jake Locker’s draft prospects in the process. Cal is most likely headed to the Poinsettia Bowl, which is certainly a more desirable destination than El Paso, but also a less prestigious game. Then again, for a team that had Rose Bowl aspirations at the beginning of the season, they might as well be heading to the PapaJohns.com Bowl. Fresh ingredients, fresh pizza.

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The Bay Area has three Division I football schools whose nicknames happen to form an apt acronym. Here’s how they did in Week 13.

BEARS: Idle

With a bye week before their regular season finale at Washington, the Bears let their dramatic Big Game victory soak in and waited for their muddy bowl picture to clear up.

Up Next: at Washington

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The old ball coach — or the REALLY old ball coach, as we like to call him — Dick Tomey will retire at the end of the season, according to the Mercury News. If true, the decision ends weeks of speculation about Tomey’s job with San Jose State, which peaked with a 19-9 win at Cal Poly in Week 4 and lost five straight following that.

Tomey’s postgame comment Saturday that “my status is 1-8, and that’s not a good status to be in as a head coach,” could end up being a prelude to a retirement. The 71-year-old coach took the Spartans to the New Mexico Bowl in 2006 but fell off after that high, going 12-21 since.

The only ranking the Spartans have entered this season is the Bottom 10, but up the Peninsula the Stanford Cardinal are all over the real, actual rankings. After smothering USC, the Cardinal moved up to 14th in the AP poll and 17th in the USA Today poll. The voters were probably impressed when Stanford tried to run up the score.

The Bay Area has three Division I football schools whose nicknames happen to form an apt acronym. Here’s how they did in Week 10.

BEARS: Oregon State 31, Cal 14

The Prophecy is dead, as are Cal’s hopes of earning a trip to big-time bowl, but the more important news following the Bears’ deflating loss to the Beavers is that running back Jahvid Best is alive and well, with movement in all extremities. The terrifying scene of Best frozen on the turf at Memorial Stadium after his defender-clearing hurdle into the end zone was one of the more sobering moments of the college football season. Best was diagnosed with a concussion, his second of the season, and will miss at least one game. That seems like a wise decision.

Up Next: Arizona

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The Raiders … so much good stuff … even when they … we can’t … they’re too … need bulleted list.

• In what has become the norm around Raiders camp, Darrius Heyward-Bey insists “I’ve been very solid.” Really, DHB? Five catches for 74 yards? Solid? Really? We need to get Seth and Amy out here for a whole Raiders segment.
• Thomas Howard gets into a Twitter fight with the Twitverse about In-N-Out, and calls Whataburger better. Whatapieceofcrap.
• The Snake is on Facebook! Maybe. Which prompts this line from the guy writing this column: “If the page is the real deal, and I believe it is, Snake’s got 25 friends including me, Brian, and my cousin Paul Hebert who lives in Cleveland.” Right. The Snake only has 25 friends including your cousin. And who would ever fake anything on the Internet?
• Tom Cable says he talked to Al Davis and doesn’t necessarily fear for his job. Good thing USA Today’s Christine Brennan isn’t pulling the strings, she’d have Cable out of there so fast…
• The Cable incident has Al Davis looking like John McCain, and not just because they’re both older than salt. Both needed to hire better people to vet their candidates in 2008.

…Other linkage, not including former USC basketball coaches going Trojan horse on some hoes…

The Warriors win, look good, and still manage to create controversy. Where was Anthony Randolph? The “backup center” played only seven minutes despite Andris Biedrins being in foul trouble. Mikki Moore appears to be the actual backup center, despite being 40 years older and 800 percent less exciting. CCT

We love it when criminals try to sell their booty on Craigslist. The president of an Antioch youth sports complex allegedly stole equipment and other items from sheds at the complex and sold it on the classifieds site. One new batting helmet! Only used by six Antioch suckers kids! CCT

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The Giants made the rumored official Monday by hiring Hensley “Bam Bam” Meulens from Fresno to be the club’s new hitting coach. Of course we will never actually use his photo and instead use this photo of Bamm Bamm Rubble every time we need to write about him.

Even though the nickname is missing two “m”s, it does come from Flintstone land. Apparently Bam Bam, the baseball player, was playing softball in his homeland of Curacao, and bombing the ball so much that other players compared him to the youngest Rubble. That’s a story we can support. He also has the nickname written on the back of his shoes and can say it in five languages, including Papiamente/u/o, which is itself a mix of a few different languages.

But does that make him a good hitting coach? He certainly wasn’t a good major league hitter, and that worries some. Whatever. Who needs good natural hitting skills when you can teach them instead, and have a cool nickname while doing it? Just ask Thaddeus “Beer Barrel Arms” Smith, who was the Detroit Tigers’ hitting coach in 1925. Actually that’s made up.

Bam Bam’s first project could be Buster “Bus Bus” Posey, who’s struggling down in Arizona Fall League. Buster, just hit it hard. It’ll work out.

…Other linkage, not including Bill Walton — the ultimate hippie athlete — quitting sportscasting…

Lane Kiffin gives his thumbs-up to Tom Cable from afar, saying “Tom has not had enough time.” Yes, there’s never enough time. CCT

Former Stanford 3-point master Ryan Mendez wants you to vote for him as one of the best Texas high school stars ever. But Michael Crabtree, yes, the 49ers wide receiver, is one of the other options. How to choose??!!??? Streetball

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The Bay Area has three Division I football schools whose nicknames happen to form an apt acronym. Here’s how they did in Week 9.

BEARS: Cal 23, Arizona State 21

The Bears survived Halloween in Tempe with a come-from-behind win to continue their climb back from the dead and keep The Prophecy alive. Giorgio Tavecchio’s 24-yard field goal with 21 seconds remaining was the difference in a sloppy game that featured 238 yards of penalties and five turnovers. “It wasn’t pretty by any means,” Cal head coach Jeff Tedford said. The winning kick was a dream come true for Tavecchio, who nailed a 51-yarder, missed two other kicks, and was in danger of losing his job to freshman Vince D’Amato. The win left Cal fans with a “pleasing” feeling on Halloween night.

Up Next: Oregon State

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The Bay Area has three Division I football schools whose nicknames happen to form an apt acronym. Here’s how they did in Week 8.

BEARS: Cal 49, Washington State 17

You want to piss off the normally mellow Jeff Tedford? Allow Washington State to rack up 300 yards of offense on your home turf in the first half. Tedford lit into his defense at halftime Saturday after the Bears did just that and the coach’s harsh words were followed by a stern talking to from freshman Scott Fanua. These Cal cubs have some balls, huh? First, sophomore Mychal Kendricks offers a pseudo-guarantee that the Bears will win out (The Prophecy lives) and now Fanua goes fire and brimstone on his elders. “He has fire in his veins,” defensive end Cameron Jordan said. “He gave us a nice little talk.” Kevin Riley and Jahvid Best were on point against the Cougars, but the defense needs to be fixed, and soon. There’s still a realistic chance that Cal could finish 9-3, and despite a pillowy soft strength of schedule, the computers show some bleep-bop-boop-love for the Bears.

Up Next: at Arizona State

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